Looking Up


My friend shared this on her social media and I loved it so much that I saved it on my computer. Every time I come across it in my downloads folder, I read and let it change my perspective on life all over again.

Deadlines. So much is changing in a span of one year. Completed OSCE this past Wednesday. Submitted case report on HCV-induced MPGN with cryoglobulinemia Friday night and almost gave myself a heart attack as I clicked the submit button on the minute it was due. Finish Aquifer modules by this Wednesday. Take emergency medicine shelf exam this Friday. Start new rotation (cardiology) next Monday. Travel to DC in April to do a poster presentation. Pass the COMSAE (practice board exam) in May. Begin 4th year in July. Pass level two boards and standardized patient exams. Audition at different institutions. Submit residency application. Interview. Run a marathon in October. Wait for match day to find out where my first doctor job will be.

This is a rollercoaster ride with many twists, turns, up-side down loops, steep inclines and declines. I think a lot about wellness and how I can help myself and others achieve this. Something I’ve discovered recently is the power of looking up, physically. I still run almost every day and it’s my time to connect with earth. No matter the time of day, season or weather, I look up. This helps me think about something greater than myself. This medical journey changes a person – sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. Prestige, money, power, materialism, and cynicism are fighting for our attention. Looking up encourages me to think about the greater purpose. God only knows.

Looking down
Dirt decorating the crevices of sidewalks
Dust bunnies collecting in the corners
Spiders crawling across battlefields
Spill triggering the alarm of panic
Mess creating an obstacle course at home
Blood collecting in operating and emergency rooms
Body slumping into depression and routine.

Looking up
Winter throwing white confetti on earth
Green arching trees reaching their arms to touch one another
Summer sun warming care-free souls
Multi-colored leaves attracting kind eyes
Clear night sky displaying a star show
Architecture and chandeliers inspiring awe
Body opening up in wonder of our planet and higher being.

Like I tell my patients when listening to their lungs — breathe in and let it out.


Medicine Endangers your Self-Worth

I caught myself basing my net-worth as a human being on one evaluation from a doctor that worked with me less than 5 times in the past four weeks. The worst part is: it’s a good evaluation, just not the best.

I was warned about this from a mentor and a believer. She talked about the volatile state of medical training in which we bounce from really good to really bad based on the day-to-day events that happen to us. Is this the way to live? We need to anchor ourselves on something more stable.

Even though all of us in medicine are extremely high achieving people, we all can’t win participation trophies. We must be honest with ourselves and celebrate those that deserve the higher praise without diminishing our own self-worth.

This is a note-to-self and reminder for all. You are not what your preceptor comments about you. Your numerical grades do not dictate what kind of person you are. You are not your mistakes you make. You are not your past. Your whole being is not based on what you accomplish at work. You are not what other people think you are.

We are all a collection of life experiences, shared interactions, bruises, triumphs, accomplishments, failures. Be kind to one another. We have more in common than we realize.

Be true to yourself. Live your truth every day. Believe in something greater than yourself. Be a good person. Love.

2019 | Be the Light

Happy Old Year and Happy New Year!

I always feel some type of way on the last day of the year: reflective, introspective, hopeful, renewed.

I’ve been thinking about two themes that inflict humanity’s quality of life: loneliness and purpose. Vivek Murthy, the 19th Surgeon General of the US brought the epidemic of loneliness to the forefront of his agenda. I was very impressed. I see it in my patients and I’ve felt it in myself.

My mother, being the hardworking woman she is works on holidays and this is how I’ve grown up. I am grateful to have spent New Year’s Eve with a dear friend from high school and her close family. We shared a home-cooked Armenian dinner together and went around the table answering: what do you wish to forget? what good things happened last year? what do you hope for in the new year? It was exactly the type of night I needed to ring in 2019.

I recently read a post about smiling and/or saying hi to everyone you see in life because you may never know if that small action can save someone’s life because you acknowledged them.

Lessons I want to Remember:

  • Don’t believe anyone who makes you feel like you’re hard to love.
  • No one can steal your joy. No one can dim your light.

2019 Mottos:

  1. Be present
  2. Live your truth
  3. Serve with love

Wishing you and your loved ones a new year of sincere love, happiness, peace, purpose, prosperity, success, good health, and blessings.

2018 | Don’t Sleep Through Life & Wake Up Dead

As cliche as it is that I write a post every single New Year, I enjoy having this space and snapshot in time to reflect. Life is short. Our Christmas Eve sermon at church made me think about this: imagine yourself in a room filled with everything that brings you happiness. In the furthest corner is death. Every year, the wall you’re standing against pushes you one step closer to death. There’s no other way to get out of the room, but through death. I want to be conscientious of not sleeping through life and waking up dead.

Wow… 2017 was a whirlwind. It was one of the most trying and transformative years of my life.

Thank you 2017 for: the loss of an unhealthy and mismatched relationship, self-love, self-worth, ability to run a marathon, a closer relationship with God, living in my true values,  confidence in who I am, MD Camp reunion with two lovely future DOctors, life-transforming mask activity in the cultural competency workshop, donating my hair to Pantene Beautiful Lengths, medical student coordinator role at Physicians Free Clinic, secretary/treasurer position in student government, secretary/treasurer position in Humanism in Medicine, being selected as 1 of 2 OU+REACH scholars, the start of my public medical Instagram journey, When Breath Becomes Air revelations, class humanitarian award,  the opportunity to develop my public speaking skills at events for accepted students, getting to know an old friend better, my cousin’s wedding, completion of first year of medical school, adventurous walks/hikes/runs, two weekends of cognitively-based meditation training at the Cleveland Clinic, summer running group, healing my acne, good health, Leroy A. Rodgers preceptorship in family medicine, leading the OU+REACH healthcare discovery camp for high schoolers, rediscovering my hobby of video editing for our student government YouTube, watching fireworks from the 40th floor with friends, leading orientation for incoming first-year med students, catching up with Lois in Athens, shadowing in-patient family medicine at Grant Medical Center, two week vacation to LA, the best Korean shaved ice experience, lots of sun and beach time, seeing San Diego for the first time, Antelope Canyon and Horseshoe Bend experience, meeting an elderly stranger on the airplane and becoming pen pals with her, the beginning of second year of med school, treating a patient with OMT for the first time at a CCE, really understanding OMM through teaching the first years as a TA, my OMM professor planting the idea that I could have a future in academic medicine/medical education, fun 20-mile long run on the Olentangy Trail with RunColumbusRun, closer friendships with my med school classmates, Ohio Heritage Foundation video interview about why I chose my school, 25 years of life, having the opportunity to go back to my high school to speak about osteopathic medicine, catching up with my high school anatomy teacher, finding a church community with like-minded and -hearted people, meaningful conversations at the Dean’s house, kind compliments and feedback from classmates, painting on a canvas for the first time, reviving the Humans of OUHCOM Dublin page, shadowing in (neuro spine) surgery for the first time, getting to know more medical faculty, making friends with regulars at the gym, networking dinner where I exchanged contact info with a woman in medicine that I’ve been running into since the few months before I began med school, caroling at an assisted living facility with Humanism in Medicine, kind-hearted classmates that helped me complete 11 no-sew blankets before the holidays, authentic and vulnerable conversations, starting my qualitative research project over break, Christmas hot pot meal with church friends, playing Settlers of Catan for the first time, New Years Eve gathering with church friends.

So much has happened — growth, progress, small victories. Often, medical students may feel sad that they’re missing out on life. They see their friends getting married, making money in jobs, buying houses, having kids, going on vacations around the world. This is why I don’t enjoy logging on to Facebook. But if we all take the time to reflect on our journey, there is a lot to celebrate and feel good about. How amazing is it that we get to experience such wildly diverse experiences in four years that not many people go through? I just had conversations about this topic and both doctors said it took 10 years to get to a comfortable place in life, but in the end all the hard work and sacrifice was worth it.

Reflecting on last year’s goals, I did pretty well! I accomplished all 10 at some point during the year, but the majority of them I want to continue in my life. I’ll write about three new ones I have. I don’t really make resolutions in the traditional sense of SMART goals, but I take time to think about what kind of person and what type of energy I want to radiate in the new year.

In 2018:

  1. Live Your Truth: This is my 2018 motto. Our psychiatry professor always dropped little nuggets of wisdom in his lecture and this one was my favorite: “listen to your friendly psychiatrist. You got one life; you got 24 hours. Sleep first. Exercise vigorously next. Then, decide on what values will drive your life. Then, fill the rest of the time with value-driven life that you’re creating for yourself.” I didn’t know what a value-driven life meant until I read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People over winter break. Imagine yourself at your funeral and looking down at your casket: what do you want your immediate family, friends, work colleagues, and church/community organization to say about you? Those are your values. This was the year I realized I’m made in God’s image from which I developed immense self-love and purpose. I am finally at a place in life where I have a clear picture of my values and know that I don’t have to change for anyone or be ashamed to be who I really am. The truth is: you can’t please everyone. Be who you are and those that are meant to be in your life, will be. I hope to live my values and my truth every day in 2018.
  2. Simplify: This is inspired by my need to hunker down to study for Step 1 this June. I’ve heard someone describe this as the darkest time of their life. I do feel nervous at this point because I know I should be diligently dedicating some hours every day to study for it on top of school work, but I’m relishing in break just for a little longer (I’m going to start tomorrow!). To simplify, I’m going to limit social media use to once a week, focus mainly on studying and exercising for the next 6 months, transfer leadership positions to our first-year students, finish OU+REACH research, say “no” more.
  3. Serve with love: I aspire to be a genuine person that radiates kindness, warmth, love, positivity, and authenticity. Even in difficult situations, I want to be reminded of our shared humanity and to love others as my fellow brothers and sisters on Earth. I’m grateful to have found a community of like-minded and -hearted people at church with whom I can grow in faith with.
    • On relationships: Love is not a thing that needs to be earned by changing yourself from the person you are. I am truly understanding what it means to love yourself before loving another. I’m not rushing, and I’m not settling. I trust in God’s plan ❤

Wishing you a new year of sincere love, happiness, peace, prosperity, success, good health, and blessings.

Gap Year

“What should I do with my gap year??”

Take a step back. Celebrate the progress you’ve made in life. I don’t think we do this enough because we tend to think in future tense and worry about the next step. I have been asked the above question several times from pre-meds, not realizing in the moment what a privilege it is to be on the other side with the ability to inspire the next generation.

I took one gap year before matriculating into medical school, and I would recommend this for anyone that feels burned out from college, unsure if they want to become physicians, or want to gain more life experiences (while you’re young). In this post, I’ll share what I did with my gap year and some tips I’ve shared with high schoolers and pre-meds.

My mentality for my gap year was that I wanted to contribute to society in a meaningful way. I remembered hearing about AmeriCorps sitting in one of my neuro classes during senior year. I decided to look at health-focused programs across the U.S. in late summer after graduating from college. A lot of them excited me! I was thinking about moving to California to use Cantonese to help patients in the Asian free clinics or Cleveland to coach patients in making lifestyle changes, such as smoking cessation through motivational interviewing. Ultimately, I chose the COMCorps program in Athens, Ohio because of the diverse experiences and I knew I wanted to attend Ohio University Heritage College of Osteopathic Medicine, so I saw this as an opportunity to learn more about the school and its mission.

AmeriCorps is described as the U.S. version of PeaceCorps. It’s a government-funded program that employs volunteers across the country in public service work with a goal of helping others and meeting critical needs in the community in the fields of education, public safety, healthcare, and environmental protection. Benefits include: living allowance and a $5,750 education award upon completion of 1700 hours.

I joined a cohort of 24 members whom were placed at different sites, such as schools, non-profits, and health departments. Our program’s mission is to maintain or decrease the rates of childhood obesity and diabetes through healthy food access, nutrition and cooking lessons, and physical activity. My service site was at a local school district near Athens, Ohio. It was my first time seeing a school that held preschool-12th grade. My main duties were threefold:


  1. I worked alongside the two nurses in the school clinic to triage sick (or malingering) students and provide first-aid. I routinely documented chief complaints, took temperatures, created and gave ice bags for injuries, gave crackers and water for upset stomachs. I didn’t realize how many students try to get out of school by feigning sickness. In any given day, we would see around 100 students. I also realized scrubs are so comfy to wear to work! I really enjoyed this role because it felt like what a doctor would do, but with more minor cases, and I got a chance to personally provide comfort in times of distress.


2. I taught five one-hour classes of the Live Healthy Kids curriculum to all of the 2nd graders. I have always loved teaching, especially in topics I enjoy, such as nutrition, health, and wellness. I was super excited! I quickly found a newfound respect for all elementary teachers. I had so much knowledge I wanted to inspire the students with, but I had to take into account a younger mind’s shorter attention span and use classroom-taming strategies to re-focus the group. Despite the challenges, it was an excellent learning and growing opportunity for me, as well as the students. Every week, we brought in a cart full of fresh and healthy food, cooking appliances and supplies, and a new recipe every week. We taught the students basic cooking skills, such as measuring, preparing fruits and vegetables, and safe cutting techniques with a knife. The first semester, we made a fruit tart, oatmeal bar, quinoa salad, tofu ranch dressing. The second semester, we “travelled around the world” to create dishes from different countries: Japanese lettuce wraps, Russian borscht, tofu stir fry, taco bar, Ethiopian injera and wat, sweet potato curry. Before cooking, we had a powerpoint where we would educate the students with facts about the food we’re making that day, name of ingredients and methods of cooking, MyPlate, healthy decision making, and fun facts about the different countries. After cooking and eating together, we complete a quick worksheet re-inforcing knowledge and also do some physical activity together (quick circuits).

Nolan JenkinsIMG_6914

Such good memories with these kiddos. It was fun getting to know their individual personalities over a year. A team of researchers from Ohio University are conducting a study about the effectiveness of Live Healthy Kids. As a teacher, I administered pre- and post-student knowledge tests, parent surveys, and helped organize data. They are five years into the study, and I can’t wait to see the results.


We saw the parent feedback at the end of the year. It was so heartwarming to know that we made a difference in families’ lives.


3. I organized all the vision, hearing, and lice health screenings for my school. This was a tough feat requiring lots of attention to detail due to the volume of students in preschool-12th grade. Thankfully, our 24-member cohort help the members stationed at schools with the screenings, so it wasn’t a one-woman show. It was neat to learn how to perform all the screenings ourselves. After the massive screening days, I looked through all the paperwork to see who I needed to refer. We send a letter with the results to the parents recommending that they take their child to an optometrist for glasses and/or an audiologist for hearing aids. I tracked the follow-up rate and results. I saw the power of prevention from a new perspective.


Aside from the three main duties, we have the opportunity to use our creativity to implement new programs or events at our site.


My school had a carnival night, and I created black bean dip for people to sample along with a host of healthy tips. Those corn tortilla chips are made locally with natural ingredients — so so good!


I collaborated with Ohio University Recycling and Zero Waste to collect 900 pounds of food that were used to create 34 food boxes and then distributed to 30 families, collectively serving 80 children in the school district during winter break. I had the unique opportunity to work closely with our school’s outreach worker from Athens County Children Services to travel on home visits to distribute food boxes, fruit baskets, and holiday gifts. It was an enlightening and often heartbreaking experience to personally observe where the students live and hear their stories.


Read more: Campus Recycling Partners with School Outreach Programs to Host Successful Winter Food Drive

Love of Humankind


I was requested to do the annual 4th grade hygiene and puberty presentation. It instantly brought back awkward memories of my experience with this presentation in 5th grade. I tried to make it as interactive and practical as possible. First, we brought all the 4th graders in the gym for a talk on basic hygiene, such as using deodorant, brushing teeth, and washing hands. Then, we split up into boy and girl groups. Luckily, I recruited the only young male in my cohort to lead the boy’s discussion. I led the girl’s discussion with an OU student intern. We taught them the basics about puberty changes, reassured the girls that everyone is on their own schedules and not to compare to their peers, menstrual cycles and cramps, and how to use pads. Towards the end, we welcomed questions, and I was so happy the girls weren’t shy to have discussions. They had great questions, and we almost ran over time. It felt nice to have open, honest, and genuine conversations. We awarded all the 4th graders with hygiene goodie bags: deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash, floss, pads and tampons (girls).

Other than activities at my school, we had community events that we help out with throughout the year. Two examples are:


Building a sustainable garden behind an elementary school.


Painting mile markers on the community bike trail.

I definitely got really nostalgic thinking about my time and memories in AmeriCorps. It definitely challenged me as a person, helped me gain rich life experiences, and provided me a way to give back to society in a meaningful way right after graduating college.

I’m grateful I finally took the time to share my AmeriCorps experience in words and pictures. Throughout first and second year of medical school, I had frequent flashbacks: learning about fever (taking temps), childhood intellectual/behavioral disorders from parental neglect/abuse, which can be associated with encopresis and enuresis (heartwarming memory: a boy who endured a rough childhood came down to the clinic at least once a day to change his undergarment always wanted to tell me fun facts about things he’s learned, which surprised the two nurses because he normally doesn’t like talking to people), malingering (sifting through real and fake complaints), teaching the kids that we get vitamin D from the sun (they were so amazed).

Tips for your Gap Year

  • It’s okay (and frequently recommended) to take time off before professional school
    • You will NOT be at a disadvantage. It can even boost your chances for admission.
    • Differentiate yourself in interviews by talking about your gap year with passion. Show schools who you are, what your motivations are for becoming a physician, and who you see yourself becoming through your experience. Be honest and reflective. Medical school admission teams like to see genuine personal development, not just another activity you did just to “look good”.
  • Time time for reflection and rejuvenation.
  • Do something meaningful and purposeful to you. You’ll be a stronger candidate for professional school.
    • PeaceCorps, AmeriCorps, Study Abroad, Mission Trips, Research, Teach for America, etc.
    • Get a Masters (MPH, MHA, MS in anatomy)
  • Sometimes, a postbaccalaureate program after college is the right choice for students that have lower GPA’s, MCAT’s or are career changers.
  • Many people work/volunteer in a healthcare setting to get more clinical experience.
  • Update resume/CV with each new job/experience.
  • Stay in touch with professors and contacts, continue networking.
  • Don’t be afraid to take chances.
    • May learn a lot about yourself and what you don’t want to do
  • Continue to learn!
    • Job shadow, informational interviews, join young professional clubs, travel abroad, read books, network with mentors in the field, participate in a scholarly activity, take classes.
  • Spend time with family, friends, and loved ones before beginning professional school.
  • Work on your professional school applications.
  • Save money.
  • It’s okay if you decide not to go to med school after your gap year adventures. It can be a long, arduous, stress-provoking, often isolating, and ironically dehumanizing journey. Make sure this is where your heart and mind is before you begin. If this is your true calling, you will use the hardship to become a better doctor 🙂

What I Learned about Life While in College

I have a lot of drafts I never published, so I decided now’s the time! This will be part of a series where I explore and reflect on life milestones and experiences that have helped me reach the position I am in now – a second year med student whose goal is to incorporate humanitarianism into the practice of medicine. I am also very passionate about passing on wisdom that I have learned, which is a large reason why I write. Hope you pick up some pearls along the way ❤

1. Be somebody that makes everybody feel like somebody. Ask questions that don’t elicit a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer by using prepositions like “what”, “how”, and “why?” (shoutout to Student Wellness Center Wellness Coaching). During college, I discovered that I love deep and vulnerable conversations that get to the core of what makes us human.

2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or ask someone to be your mentor if they are in a position where you want to be.

3. College is a really important identity-forming period. For most, this is the first time ever being away from family. You will experience peer pressure. Stay true to yourself. If you don’t want to drink alcohol, don’t. If you don’t want to go to the clubs, don’t. In the end, you don’t need to worry about what others are doing or what they think because this is YOUR life. You’re in full control of your decisions. Check in periodically and ask “if I’m a stranger looking back at me, would I be friends with myself?” Half way through my first year in medical school was when I felt 100% confident in who I am, what I stand for, and the values that I won’t compromise for anyone. This can be a lengthy process.

4. You are a reflection of your closest friends whom you spend the most time with. Are you proud of that? Choose these people carefully.

5. They say you’ll make lifelong friends with people that live in your dorm during freshmen year. This is not always the case and it’s okay. Some friendships are meant to be for a season and some are meant to be for a lifetime. Be a good person regardless and trust life.

6. Don’t be afraid to be very busy. Junior year was definitely the most busy if you’re on the pre-med route. You’ve got one foot in undergrad and another foot trying to figure out how to get accepted to medical school. On top of all of that, you might have leadership positions, research, volunteer commitments, and other organizations. I would be on campus from 8am-8pm running around to different functions. I think this helped transform me into a person who can successfully balance academics and extracurricular activities, while still maintaining a vibrant personal life.

7. Try to enjoy your senior year as much as you can. College is certainly a very unique time that you will not experience again. If you’re pre-med, you should be working hard freshmen, sophomore, and junior year. By the start of senior year, you will have already applied to medical schools if traditional and you’ll look forward to interviewing. Take classes you’re actually interested in, spend time with good friends, go to different events on campus, stay involved in organizations you’re passionate about, and celebrate when you graduate. Don’t worry too much. Life has a funny way of working things out. I know that’s easier said than done because I experienced all the feelings associated with realizing you’ll need to take a gap year. Stay tuned for the next post where I’ll share with you what I did during my gap year and why I sincerely recommend it for everyone!

I Lost My Friend of 12 Years/Best Friend of 7 Years, but Gained a Relationship with God and Became Closer to my Family

Disclaimer: this is a deeply personal post — much more than the previous one. Views are my own.

“Getting a corgi so you can attract all the ladies, right?”
“Like I have time for that.”

“This sacrificing for medicine thing is no joke. Just turned down a hot date to study on a Saturday night.”

These are real quotes I heard in the past 24 hours from fellow medical students.

I didn’t get closure.

We FaceTimed every day — catching each other up on our days. We had just seen each other the week before. Although we shared a difficult conversation before parting, a joke was mentioned at the end. A week later, they surprise you with the news that they found the love of their life. They want no contact because it’s not fair. Just like that, knowing someone since 5th grade means absolutely nothing. I am innately sentimental, sensitive, and loyal. This shattered the depths of my core. Without going into all the details, our companionship did have a romantic plot for some time, but due to many external circumstances, slowly fizzled along with growing apart in different cities. I knew we were at different stages in life and wanted different things out of life, but I couldn’t stop my loyalty. I felt devastation and sadness, but I couldn’t stay that way for long. I found myself praying for the other person to find peace in their life. Reading some of Thich Nhat Hanh’s works, I realized holding onto anger is just hurting yourself. Maybe, I’m the only weird person who wants to remain on good terms with someone that hurt you, but life is too short. There should not be a limit as to how many people you can be kind to. For relationships that grow apart, why can’t two people discuss a civil dissolution and go their merry ways while still remaining acquaintances in the most general sense? I’m aware of the old adage of people entering and leaving your life for different reasons, but I was naive to believe this person would be my lifelong friend. If you look at my life, my dearest friends are those that I’ve known the longest. These are some life lessons I’ve learned recently:

  • People don’t have to be in every season of your life.
  • You’ll never change other people’s thoughts, attitudes, or way of life. Accept what is and move on if it’s no longer giving you good energy and you’re no longer enhancing each other’s potential.
  • Even if you have the best intention, other people are not guaranteed to think like you do. I constantly think about how life is so short on this planet compared to eternity. This motivates me to relish in all my relationships and connections to people and overall live with kindness for all people. I really do believe in the phrase “forgive, but never forget.”
  • Nothing is ever lost in life: memories were made, experiences were shared, lessons were learned. Take them with you and don’t make the same mistakes.
  • Always hold your family closer than friends (exceptions do exist for those who unfortunately have unreasonable family members or are estranged from them). It takes a lot to be estranged from family members as you share a blood line, but with friends and significant others, anything can break that bond within seconds no matter how long you’ve known them. Through my heartbreak, I’ve opened up to a lot of people and heard their stories. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard similar sentences, “married for 24 years, raised 4 wonderful children together, and divorced.” In my neighborhood, I am a part of a row of 3 houses that have single middle-aged women living independently after a divorce. The lifelong probability of a marriage ending in divorce in the U.S. is 40-50%. That’s about half of us! Here are interesting stats of some variables associated with divorce:
    • race/ethnicity
    • importance of religion to the couple
    • timing of the first birth of any children (before marriage, within 7 months, after 7 months, or never)
    • if one spouse has generalized anxiety disorder

This is not meant to be pessimistic, but realistic in the fact that anyone can have a change of heart at any time.

  • Serendipitously, I became quick friends with an elderly gentleman at the gym I regularly workout at. He describes our friendship as if “we’ve known each other for years” when in reality, it’s only been a few months. Even with a 40+ year age difference, we’re able to talk about anything and everything. We know all about each other’s love lives. Something he shared stuck with me: “I wish I would have gotten divorced 5 years before we actually did.” Early on, they both knew trouble was brewing, but he really wanted to stay together for the kids, at least until they all graduated from high school. He shared that kids know when there’s something wrong. Sometimes, it’s not about holding on and being loyal, it’s about letting go. This reminds me that selecting the right person is so important, no matter how long it takes. Don’t rush and don’t settle.

I hope by writing and sharing, I can gain some closure. I often think about how my experiences can help my future patients. As doctors, we need to remember we are humans and remind patients we are too. An activity I recently did to cope with loss is: writing down all the reasons why this was meant to happen and then on the back of the page, specific qualities of life you wish for in the future. Keep it somewhere you can access when you need to. Spirituality has also helped me cope tremendously. My family had roots in Buddhism, but I didn’t grow up with a religion. I’m not sure where this will take me in the future, but I have found comfort in developing a relationship with God, praying, knowing that He has a plan for our lives, and listening to Christian music. Another relationship I gained is a closer one with my family, particularly my mom. We’ve had our ups and downs, and still do, but this is the most honest relationship we’ve had in our entire lives. Due to external consequences, that individual and I did not open up to our families about the relationship. As teenagers and young adults, we blindly believed love is all we need. This was not healthy — toxic even. After I opened up to my mom about everything, I vowed to live honestly and authentically, especially with family. If someone doesn’t appreciate honesty and authenticity or if I find myself violating my values, I know I don’t have to force a relationship with that person or continue doing that activity. I can’t wait to finally live freely and without fear. In the Asian culture, respecting and caring for our elders into their old age is valued. It can be hard growing up in the US where this is not valued. It’s an ongoing internal conflict for me. The current cultural notion is: we’re young, we should be building our own lives, move far away, have 5-minute surface conversations on the phone with parents (they don’t need to know the important thoughts and activities of your life), visit them only during major holidays because being away from your friends is so boring. Years pass and the next time you really become close with your parents again are when they’re nearing death in a hospital room. Yes, we should all be independent adults chasing our dreams, building a life worth living, taking as many trips as we can, and having fun as 20-something-year-olds. I don’t disagree with that, but life can flash in front of your eyes. Years slip away, your parents get older, health problems arise with age, and when you finally realize you should have cared and spent more time with them before they pass, it might be too late. Imagine stepping into your parent’s shoes. The best situation would be to still have your significant other grow old with you, but what if you were divorced or widowed in old age? Would you want at least one of your children you raised to care about you or be sent to some arbitrary nursing home instead? I’m not advocating to live in your parent’s basement or constantly worry about them and put them first before the important things in your life, but a healthy balance must exist between independently building your vibrant future while also remaining close to your family, especially those that sacrificed so much to raise you to be the successful adult you are now. I am happy to return to my true values and know that one of my purposes in life is to care for my mother. Never change your values for anyone. I can only pray that my future significant other respects me for who I am, values and all.

Sample some of the songs that have helped me get through tough times:

  • Stars Go Dim – You are Loved
  • Danny Gokey – Tell Your Heart to Beat Again
  • Matisyahu – Live Like a Warrior (Richello Remix)
  • Chris Tomlin – Impossible Things
  • Axwell – On My Way
  • Mandisa – Unfinished
  • Lauren Daigle – First
  • Matthew West – Mended
  • Bobby Mcferrin – Don’t Worry Be Happy

There were a whole host of reasons for my situation, but I cannot leave out the fact that medical school played a part. We must say “no” to hanging out on weekends with friends, going to birthday parties, family functions, weddings, vacations. We need to plan around major exams. We only have one summer between 1st and 2nd year. We always have things to study seven days a week, 24 hours a day. Lifelong learning is a cornerstone to being a physician. Sometimes, friends and family don’t understand this. I’m creating an ongoing list here to resolve this sacrificial dilemma and think about it in a more positive light:

  1. My faculty mentor told me “you can have it all – all of your priorities.” Know what your priorities are. Write them down. Your studies should be #1 or #2 on your list. If you make time to do what’s most important to you (say the top 5 things), you can have it all.
  2. Treat medical school like an 8-5pm job. Work relentlessly hard Monday-Friday during those hours to get things done. There’s always going to be more, but if you had a good week, don’t feel bad about taking one day during the weekend off to enjoy your #2-5 priorities.
  3. Share with your friends and family what you do and what interesting facts you’re learning about in the human body.

Did you know heart burn, acid reflux, and GERD are talking about the same thing? This is when stomach acid used to digest our food leaks backwards into our esophagus that connects our mouth to our stomach. The best treatment to try first for this is lifestyle modification, not medication.

  • Eat more plant-based protein (beans, broccoli, spinach) to improve the strength of the sphincter/door between the stomach and esophagus.
  • Avoid dietary fat, caffeine, chocolate, mints, herbs/spices eaten after meals, alcohol, estrogen and progesterone (birth control pills).
  • Lose weight and eat smaller meals, so the stomach doesn’t extend too much.
  • Avoid eating before laying down and elevate the head of your bed 4-6 inches (sleeping on pillows won’t work, you need to physically place blocks under the head of your bed to raise it).

Both men and women 50 years and older are recommended to get colon cancer screening. Colon cancer is 70% lifestyle related. Want to know how to prevent colon cancer in old age?

  • Eat less processed meats (lunch meats, bacon, sausage, etc.)
  • Eat less red meat
  • Eat more vegetables and other fiber-rich foods

The link between a meat-heavy and vegetable-sparse diet to colon cancer is as strong as the link between smoking and lung cancer.

3/4 of all adults and 90% of adults from African and Asian descent will experience lactose intolerance. This means that you don’t have the functioning enzyme to break down the lactose in dairy products. The lactose travels further down your gut and gets chewed up by bacteria. The result of bacterial digestion produces carbon metabolites, hydrogen, and carbon dioxide. Therefore, you have bloating, diarrhea, and dehydration after eating dairy products if you’re lactose intolerant.

Take your significant other to medical functions or a night out with your classmates. When you involve your loved ones, they become a part of the journey rather than a carry-on baggage you lug around. However, if sharing your new way of life isn’t working and you feel dragged down and unsupported by this person, it might be time to let go. We’ve had three relationships break up in our medical school class shortly after starting school, but we also have two students starting families while in medical school (albeit the wives are not the students). It can be done, but it requires deep understanding, patience, and strong communication from both people. I recently read a wonderful article about how a wife survived family life while her husband was in residency. It helped me gain a lot of insight into how to work on a relationship and what kind of understanding must exist on this medical journey: http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2014/11/wish-knew-advice-spouses-doctors-residents.html

Thanks for reading. I pray we all live the life we’ve always wanted.