Leap into Love + a Message for the Brokenhearted & Lonely

An excuse to write on leap day or do I actually have something meaningful to say? A little bit of both 😛 It’s been one year since I saved this to my drafts, and I’m sure many of you have read about the story/study already. But if not, it’s a worthwhile read: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html?_r=0

Here are some profound quotes that left a lasting impression on me:

“Ours was the kind of accelerated intimacy I remembered from summer camp, staying up all night with a new friend, exchanging the details of our short lives. At 13, away from home for the first time, it felt natural to get to know someone quickly. But rarely does adult life present us with such circumstances.”

  • This is very true after leaving the college world. In professional settings, you rarely get to know your colleagues on an intimate level because no one tries or we are all so absorbed in our own personal lives.

“It’s astounding, really, to hear what someone admires in you. I don’t know why we don’t go around thoughtfully complimenting one another all the time.”

  • I like this idea – telling others what we appreciate about them.

“Most of us think about love as something that happens to us. We fall. We get crushed. […] But what I like about this study is how it assumes that love is an action. It assumes that what matters to my partner matters to me because we have at least three things in common, because we have close relationships with our mothers, and because he let me look at him.”

  • We refer to how relationships start as the colloquial saying “falling in love” when we should instead say, choosing to love. From this study, love is a choice we make and an action we do. Maybe that’s why relationships and marriages fail – because we make the conscious or unconscious choice to not act anymore.

“But I see now that the story isn’t about us; it’s about what it means to bother to know someone, which is really a story about what it means to be known.”

  • This hit deep. Being innately human, sometimes all we need is to be heard, to be known, to connect emotionally with another human being.

“It’s true you can’t choose who loves you, although I’ve spent years hoping otherwise, and you can’t create romantic feelings based on convenience alone. Science tells us biology matters; our pheromones and hormones do a lot of work behind the scenes.”

  • Although love is a choice and an action that anyone can perform towards others, we can only meet people as far as they are willing to go. I’m not only talking about romantic love, it’s friendships and other relationships too. You might have good intentions to want a deeper relationship with someone, but the other person must be comfortable enough to meet you in this circle of vulnerability and authenticity before this can happen.

“Love didn’t happen to us. We’re in love because we each made the choice to be.”

A part of being human means to crave attention from other humans, and I think love is the key to this equation. I like to think of ourselves as one big human family on this blue revolving sphere called Earth, circling around somewhere in the vast universe. There is no need for hate because we are what we have, and our world would be a better place if we loved and cared for one another more.

I would like to try this questionnaire one day. Even though I need to constantly remind myself, one of my goals in life is to be more vulnerable and caring, spreading love and kindness everywhere I go in order to create meaningful relationships with others. I enjoy exploring people’s internal thoughts and just being there for them in the most humanly way.

Here’s to living a life of vulnerability, authenticity, and love ❤

Update 3/19/16: I was heartbroken today. I was really upset for a good hour – water works, sad thoughts, the whole show. But after that hour, almost like the sun creeping out of ominous clouds on a stormy day, my mind shifted. The cliche quote “love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own” popped into my head. I don’t 100% agree with this quote as I think you should always practice self-care and self-love first, but I like the message behind it. If you truly loved and cared for this person, you would respect their decisions and wish them the very best in life. So that is what I did.

I guess I am sharing this personal story because I realized how powerful positive thinking and mindfulness is. When I shifted towards this positive attitude, I started thinking of bountiful possibilities. It made me reflect on this blog post. I was pleasantly surprised that three old friends liked my tweet today which said “Love can hurt, but I still want it to be the guiding principle to the way I go about life and think about life #sacrifices #notetoself”.

This is a message for the brokenhearted or lonely:

Love really is a beautiful thing… I’m a firm believer of leading with love in all interactions, whether it be with family, friends, in the work place or with strangers because it’s a universal feeling that we, as human beings have in common. We all want to be loved, to be cared about, to have someone who is interested in what we do every hour of the day. Most of us want a companion to share all of life’s moments with. A lot of single people my age are thinking about how to find this person – resorting to apps and online sites. I have nothing against these platforms as I have never tried, but I think the most exciting part about finding this person is to be openopen to meeting new people in daily life, open to strangers becoming friends, open to getting to know people on a deeper level, open to friends becoming lovers, open to revisiting people from the past, open to authenticity, open to vulnerability. I think these are the key ingredients to finding your forever person. There are 7.4 billion people – some that have already found their person, some that are in the process, many that are still searching. Someone out there is meant for you and will bring you happiness like you’ve never felt. It’s worth the wait.

Update 1/14/17: I experienced ultimate heartbreak yesterday – one that spans the majority of my adult life. This time, it did not go away after an hour. One of my friends shared this ironic quote with me: “If you really wanted to hurt someone, love them deeper.” I started a personal positivity note titled “Why Heartbreak is Good” on my phone to restructure my thinking and wanted to share some musings:

  • Future relationships will be healthier and more genuine due to lessons learned.
  • You want what you can’t have – that’s a paradoxical truth. You can’t change other people’s feelings. You want someone to act because they want to inherently, not because you’re asking them to. If they don’t feel the same or want the same thing, move on.
  • Life could always be worse: terminal disease, divorce, death of someone you know, inadequate basic necessities, no network of support, barriers to goal achievement. Think about how lucky you are: to be breathing, to hear your heart beating, to see another sunrise, to choose how you will spend your 24 hours.
  • There is someone out there for you. Whether you’ve already met or he’s in your distant future, you’ll love again and this time it’ll be the real deal without secrecy and lies. Remember to look up, look around, be open, and proactive. The world is your playground.
  • You’re 24, still young. Yes, many are in serious relationships, engaged, married, or on dating apps but this is YOUR journey. It’s time to focus on you and start building a steady foundation for a good enjoyable life later on. Unfortunately, being female and in medicine brings many challenges both in professional and personal life. This is the career path you chose. You worked your butt off for six years to get to this point. Cherish it.
  • Embrace the clean break. Embrace your own company. Work on yourself while keeping your eyes open. These are exciting times ahead. Keep building your knowledge. This year is about you. When you do find your person, you’ll know. You’ll always know. In the meantime, be the best person you can be so that when you’re both ready, you can build a life together with the best versions of yourselves for a whole that’s greater than the sum of its parts.
  • (My spirituality) God knows what’s in our hearts, God listens. Everything happens for a reason. Trust Him and the process.
  • If you’ve never been in a relationship with anyone else, you’re always going to have doubts and wonder what it’d be like to be with someone else. I think this makes both parties more prone to cheat. It’s the right time to explore these feelings and know with more certainty what we’re looking for in a significant other. Heartache is 1000x better now than divorce later down the road.
  • We’re just people, humans. We should never be afraid of each other. Don’t be afraid to tell people how you feel. If they don’t feel the same way, at least you released the energy out in the universe. Move on and release more good energy elsewhere.
  • Your partner should make you feel good and challenge you to be a better person every day. They open your mind to things you’ve never thought of. They understand, listen, love, are patient, and trustworthy. If any of these qualities are absent, this is not love and you should move on or have a talk.

 

~lntan

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Link

What if we cared more? Loved more?

https://journeyoflifeandmeaning.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/76205-1239977_646650452035071_879214178_n.jpg

http://nypost.com/2014/01/20/dad-track-star-killed-self-over-stress-from-upenn-workload/

I’ve spent the last 2 hours or so reading and looking at Madison’s Instagram instead of studying like I should have. She has really made me think about life… how precious it is… and how important it is to be happy in everything that you decide to do.

Don’t pick a career path just because your parents want you to, or that the salary is in the six digits, or that everyone else is doing it. Do it for you, for your happiness – because only then can you genuinely translate that happiness to others. What is driving the fire behind your soul?

Madison seemed like she had a pretty full and fun life. This made me think about how people might not be comfortable in telling you their clandestine thoughts and feelings, but it is our job as fellow human beings to care for one another – to love. This is what I want to do. As I articulated in my last post about relationship building, this adds another dimension. Life is too short – too precious. Make sure that whoever you talk to or come in contact with, that you are okay with how you made them feel with your words and gestures if that was your last day on Earth. Try to develop that deep connection with people so that maybe you can save someone’s life. This is a powerful realization for me. You don’t need an MD to save people’s lives – just genuine care for one another’s well-being by opening up, being vulnerable, talking deeply and loving thy neighbor.

15 Ways to be Positive and Happy in Life :)

Inspirational quote

What you think and how you think has a large influence on your outlook on life and affects how you show up to places and how others perceive you. For me, I have found that by focusing on the positive side of every situation you find yourself in, you’ll be a more happy and purposeful person.

I hope this list will give you some ideas on how to train your mind and change your actions to achieve an overall happier, satisfying, purposeful and meaningful life. This is an ongoing list that I am compiling whenever inspiration strikes me.

We’re all humans – of course we’ll still have our down days, but I find myself coming back to this list on those days to see how I can get myself out. Feel free to share some of your tips 🙂

1. Post only positivity on all your social media accounts.

2. Don’t be afraid to laugh out loud until your sides hurt, rolling on the floor dying and almost peeing your pants (my favorite kind of laughter) – especially at yourself.

3. Listen to upbeat music! Sing and dance it out. To de-stress, I enjoy one person dance parties before bed. Try it 😛

4. Count your blessings. Be grateful for all that you have. Even simple things like: sunshine, family, friends, the ability to wake up every day and live.

5. Be authentic in all parts of your life. Be honest. Be true.

6. Perform random acts of kindness, all day every day. Some of my favorites: smiling at people, informing people there’s no toilet paper in a stall, helping people that look lost and telling people you appreciate them. You have the ability to make someone’s day, and this in turn can make your day.

7. Be altruistic. Help others. Give without expecting something back.

8. Don’t focus too much on the end goal. Cherish the journey to get there.

9. Catch up with friends. Be present. Put away your phone and relish pure human connections. Talk to people like they’re the only ones on earth.

10. Love is quite possibly one of the greatest human feelings. Give love to everyone – with hugs, kisses, words, gifts, gestures, compliments, a smile, a listening ear. Remind people how much they mean to you because you might not get a chance to if you wait too long.

11. Exercise. For health. For social interaction. For good mentality – with friends is even better. Trigger those endorphins that give you a pleasurable feeling. For me, I enjoy the long runs where deep thinking occurs.

12. Welcome deep meaningful dialogues. Be open and honest with yourself and others within reason. Don’t play games and beat around the bush. I guarantee you’ll find this a liberating feeling.

13. As a human race, we are more alike than we think. I often go on a meta-thinking tangent and picture ourselves as one big human family on a revolving blue sphere somewhere in the vast universe.

14. Keep a smile file 🙂 Write down anything that happens to you that makes you smile. Revisit it on your bad days. Also use it for reflection and the expression of gratitude.

15. There is no such thing as “too late” in life (this one is inspired by the book, Tuesdays with Morrie). If you want to achieve a healthier mindset and a happier life, you can begin any time 🙂